Have you ever announced to all who know you that you are going on a diet? For the first few days, maybe even weeks, you’re doing great! You are planning your meals, keeping healthy, low-calorie foods at the ready, then one Sunday evening rolls around and you realize you have not been to the grocery store to prepare for the coming week. All you’ve had to eat so far today is a pear and a piece of string cheese? You’re hungry! You are tired and you’re sick of the diet and damnit, you need some real food! Sal’s pizza delivers and they can be here in half an hour. While you are waiting, you break open a box of crackers and Bam! The diet is over and you are on a run. You don’ t relate? Then delete this page and go have a cookie. God has already blessed you with normalcy.
This is sort of what has been happening to me in regards to money. I guess I should say this is what is happening to money in regards to me. I announced to the world that I was changing my relationship to money. The kiss of death!
First of all, in my own defense let me say I have cut way back on the lavish gifts. No new $350.00 packages filled with snacks from Trader Joes have gone out via UPS next day service to the kids and grandkids in Alabama. I have also not shipped any new wardrobes or care packages of Luna bars or cheese Crunchies to the grandkids that are away at collage. Sorry girls.
On the other hand, I personally have never in my life had such a full and complete wardrobe! Since February I have purchased six new pairs of shoes for spring and summer, a pair of purple Ugg slippers for next winter, on sale of course, two pairs of white jeans, one with skinny legs and one with wide legs, three pair of cropped pants, one pair of cargo leggings, two pair of linen cargo pants and one pair of gray skinny jeans. I have also purchased something like sixteen tops, one dress and seven jackets. Then there is the new collection of “suck-it-in underwear.” Three to be exact. Oh, and one new nightgown, three new lipsticks and a new mascara. Hummm!
I sent back upon its arrival, the $450.00 worth of magic skin potion that needed to be applied with some sort of magic thingy twice daily three times a week. Who was I kidding? I’m lucky if I floss my teeth three times a week! A full refund is on the way!
For the house I have purchased fifteen new pillow-covers for three sofas, a lazy- Susan for the dining table and two new candles. We now own three new flower pots, one of which is to be transformed to a fountain, some lovely lemon guest soaps, two years worth of tinted moisturizer, some sparkly lighted twigs for the holidays, (next December,) and a new yellow purse. I have also purchased two new shirts for Tom. (I’m sensing an imbalance here.)
Again, in my own defense, I have purged my closet and drawers of five garbage bags full of purses, (which I gave to Shelley to sell on eBay,) as well as dresses, jeans, tops and various, numerous other articles of clothing and shoes to be given away to friends and charity. I feel pretty great about all of this. So what about that twelve step program for over spenders? I still think I belong but how and where and exactly what am I “willing to go to any lengths” about anyway? This is another moment of reckoning for me.
The first few weeks of my attendance at those money meetings found me stunned and silent.I could not believe it had "come to this!" I mostly just sat there listening and trying to figure out what was going on. The third week I began “keeping my numbers,” which is about writing down every penny I spend and plugging it into a category such as food, clothing, entertainment, household, etc. I grew bored with that in mighty short order! In the same way I have hundreds of times when embarking upon a “diet.” In addition it proved to be not only inconvenient but a royal pain in the butt! It made me feel poor!
I stopped writing things down after about two weeks, preferring instead to use my husband’s records from credit card bills to identify what is being spent on what. Still, there is the cash issue. The funny thing about me is that I have a pretty good mind for arithmetic. I can almost always come within five dollars of the total at the grocery store without writing down or counting. I’m very good with space as anyone who has visited my living room can confirm. I know how much I have purchased in the last two months. It is more, not less, than usual. Is this bad?
It is suggested by those in the know about these money-things, that it is good to have a “spending plan.” This is different from a budget. The reason? It keeps one from becoming anorexic and then going on a binge, by having the word “spending” in the plans title. The truth is that I have yet to look at the little pamphlet that will tell me how to devise a spending plan. I’m afraid it might also include limits. What I have promised myself and my husband is that I will keep track of my spending for a solid month and then we will sit down together to come up with something reasonable for us. Now I have to start that month over.
This plan will include monies for food, clothing, household stuff, entertainment, travel, and gifts. I don’t even want to think about it! What I want, is to be able to buy what I want when I want it and believe that the money will be there with some left over for later. My version of a spending plan may not be reasonable. I think it is called magical thinking. My husband does not believe in magic.
I talked to my sponsor a day or two ago and she told me quite clearly that I do not need to buy anything. Anything!! I suggested that if I focus on my creative endeavors such as writing, painting, cooking etc., that I would not want to buy things. She agreed. I signed up for the Santa Barbara’s writer’s conference, which is slated for June. The registration fee was $650.00. I think I may need a new category for my spending plan. Higher education? I wonder if I will need books.
My life is so glamorous! It is just not fair, lucky for me!!
As always, your writing suspends my reality and sends me into your time-space. I love that! It is a welcome relief from my reality of living on fumes and the meager fruits of my labors.
I will paint while you pen and always look forward to your next installment.
Don't forget to include fine art in your spending plan!
Posted by: Marcia Peterson | 04/17/2011 at 06:20 AM