Climax to a season.

It is Christmas Eve in the afternoon and everyone but Tom and Indy are resting.  I’ve had a little nap, which was interrupted by Indy informing me that she was ready to deliver the small gifts I had readied for the neighbors.  I informed her that I needed some coffee before I could finish signing the cards.  She is now out delivering the last box of cookies to our neighbors to the north.

I love this part of Christmas!  The part where most of the work is done and all that is left to do is give, receive, be together and enjoy.  So far it has been a day full of warm, fuzzy feelings with really no prickly parts.  There are more good feelings waiting in the wings when we go to Shelley’s house for dinner and then to the Santa Barbara Mission to look at the Nativity scene with all the kids.  There will most likely be some chaos accompanying the warm fuzzies.

I began this day alone for a few minutes sitting in the light of Christmas tree, watching the sunrise over the oaks as I do most mornings. .  I said my “thank-you” prayers and just felt how sweet my life has become.  I called my dear friends in New York to say merry Christmas, which made me miss more than I do on ordinary days.

Memories are a tricky thing.  They remind us of our history and our loss, the happy and the sad times gone by, the shared love and experience that shape the heart and bind us for life. Memories connect us to our past. We have shared a lot of Christmases and birthdays with Kym and Billy and our families, together in our old house in Los Angeles.  I miss Billy every time we have to carve the turkey or the roast.  I miss him whenever there is a lull in the conversation or the laughter.  I miss the scrabble games at the dining room table where Billy and Tom went head to head and I sat back and watched.  I miss Kym all of the time and especially when I have the perfect cup of coffee or the perfect bite of anything delicious.

For several years Kym and I were YaYas.  We were two of four dear friends who snuck away eight times a year for girl-time.  We celebrated our birthdays and anniversaries with an overnight either at my home or away.  We would usually begin our overnight with a frittata in my dining room and then we’d be off to some big adventure. 

Over the years we went to many spas, had high tea at the best hotels, went to estate sales, to a Buddhist temple to chant and make a donation, we had an astrologer come to the house, went to fire ceremonies, had hot stone massage at home and even made a trip to the hospital, with yours truly in an ambulance with some cute fireman. We went to New York in the springtime and in the dead of winter to see Christophe’s gates in Central Park.  We shopped on Canal Street, and on Fifth Avenue.  We went to Chicago to see Oprah and Burbank to see Ellen.  We had sweet talks late into the night and a few fights in my kitchen.  Our friendships deepened and grew and now span the miles.

Now it is Christmas morning and I am so happy to spend it with my family, all nineteen or twenty of them.  Later some friends will join the cozy chaos and we will share our traditional Christmas dinner.  I think there will be twenty-nine or thirty in my already over-stuffed living room/dining room/kitchen.  Nobody seems to mind the crowding or the dust.  Nobody complains about the lack of formal seating.  There is something magical and comforting about just being together with people we love on Christmas.

I will miss the dear ones who are not here.  Some have passed on, some have moved away, some of these friendships have ended, but there is a place in my heart, in my personal history that will remain forever.  There is a place owned by each of him or her that nothing and no one can erase.

The three grandkids from Alabama have opened their gifts from Santa and the little ones are quietly playing with their toys.  Arianna is getting acquainted with her new Mac book.  We have eaten our first meal of the day and unloaded the dishwasher.  I have fed the birds outside and made the bed. Stacy and her family will be here soon to open some gifts and Shelley and her family will be here a little later.  My life is ordered and fed by these rituals of life, like a heartbeat feeds my body.

There are hundreds of people that have shared and made happy my Christmases past.  Each of you is with me now.  I carry you in my heart.  Merry Christmas all!  May today create another memory of love to carry with you always.  May you enjoy peace in your hearts and all around you. There will be no peace in my kitchen but there will be nearly forty pounds of meat!

 

My life is so glamorous!  It's just not fair, lucky for me!!

 

Comments

[Marcia Peterson]

Merry Christmas, Kathy. I wish you joy and love and lightness of being.
With all of my heart,
Marcia

[Bobbi]

Merry Christmas dear Kathy. You and I are truly blessed. And it is so clear that we all get exactly what we need. I love you.
Bobbi