“We do not live in what we think. We live in what we love.” Eknath Easwarn
What a concept! Let me look around and see what it is I am living in and living for. Just this moment, I can say, I live in the beauty and symmetry of nature, of the sky in all its verities, of the trees in every season, as well as the seasons of my loved ones.
My grandchildren are visiting for a part of the summer. Two, whose births I witnessed, who are now ten and twelve. They were adorable, loveable babies, and now they are pre-teens, full of opinions and attitudes, pushing back on all of my best ideas, yet I surprise myself. I can laugh and bend with most of the moments.
Yesterday, I asked Indie if she would like to bake cookies and make ice cream sandwiches for our desert. Of course, she was all over it, so we set out the ingredients, the tools and she proceeded with no help from me, assuring me all the time that she had done this many times with her mom and knew the ropes. I asked her if she was going to double the recipe, and she said she was.
I suggested she use two bowls, one for the wet and one for the dry ingredients. “No,” was her certain answer. She wanted to use one small bowl, and dumped it all in, as listed on the back of chocolate chips. In no time at all she had a bowl full to the top of flour and eggs and butter. She started to melt the butter in the microwave, just wrapped and sitting on the bottom. Thank God I suggested she put it in a bowl, since it melted in thirty seconds.
When she started to stir the floury mess, she remembered that she had only doubled the flour, nothing else. Out came the eggs, more butter and vanilla, more baking soda, and surgar and I took over the stirring. I then picked up the package and read the directions. It said use two bowls, and mix the dry ingredients in one and the wet in another. I told ya so!
It is a curious thing, genetics. My granddaughter is just like me. I have spent most of my life reading the directions AFTER I’ve tried it MY way. I could only laugh and help her stir. (I am sure this “loving her where she is, where I am,” is a new behavior, learned over a period of sixty years or more of doing things backwards, before surrendering to allowing myself to be taught.) “It’s what you learn after you think you know it all, that counts,” I said. I don’t think she got it. I certainly would not have, at the tender age of ten.
So I have come to live in what and whom, I love, in all of our stages of growing and developing. There was a time, not long ago when this had been an impossible thing to do. I don’t know when it changed, only that it has.
A couple of months ago, I began painting in oils. I’ve already written about how this came to be, and even that still amazes me. But now I see the world through a painter’s eyes. I see shades of green and yellow, pink and red and blue. The whole world is an inspiration to me and I feel a sense of urgency to paint it all, the people, the sky, the flowers and trees, ever changing and ever new, never the same and all worthy of remembering on canvas. I structure my life in such a way that I may have pockets of time in which to paint. This makes me feel alive in a way that heretofore, had only happened when I was writing or singing or making love. (That seems a bit odd, but it is intimacy that opened me, like being creative does, that made me feel alive)
I love life!! I say it every day. I love MY life! The beauty, the senses, the silence and the song. I am grateful every day! I do not know when or how that came to be. When I stopped waiting to “live,” until everything was in perfect order. It is not and yet I love my life.
This morning I was driving down the hill and I could see that there was going to be a break in the clouds. Yesterday and the day before were shrouded in June-gloom. This morning there were big, dark clouds and low hanging fog at the base of the mountains, but the sun was forcing away the gloom. I was so happy!
I am easy to please these days. Maybe it is a factor of age, maybe I am evolving, but the bottom line result is that I reside mostly in love. It is much more comfortable here than in doubt or fear or tomorrows where all shall be right. Right here, is good. Not just good enough, but GOOD. I am grateful. I am content. I’ll be damned! I am happy. This “LOVE,” is a good neighborhood.